Jogger Modrzewia

BOOK OF ONIZUKA, CHAPTER 1

Verse 1

First there was darkness, and then the Great Force said, "Let there be light", and there was light, and in the light there was the Great Teacher Onizuka, who said, "Turn that damn light off, I got a Naomi Tani movie playing in here", and then there was darkness once again... save for the soft blue glow of the television on which shone the stunning cinematic achevement of Miss Naomi Tani.

Verse 2

And the Great Force said, "Onizuka, just finish that thing up. We've got work to do". And when the Great Teacher Onizuka had had his fill of the Naomi Tani canon, he turned on the light, and there was light, and it was good.

Verse 3

And then the Great Force said to the Great Teacher Onizuka, "You shall go forth to the Holy Forest, my child, and you will teach the children there the way of the world, beyond the scope of their textbooks and manuals and badly produced educational documentaries. You will teach them of the human spirit, and fill them with vigor and self-expression, and ferry them away from the doldrums of academia to the enlightened shores of life". To which the Great Teacher Onizuka said, "Huh? I'm sorry, I missed that. Could you say it again?".

Verse 4

And the Great Force uttered once again the mandate for the Great Teacher Onizuka and then jettisoned him from the celestial palace with blistering speed down to the ground of mortal men so that he could fulfill his mission. "Whoa! What a rush! I got to do that again", quoth the Great Teacher Onizuka, to which the Great Force replied, "Just get to work, you freak".

Verse 5

And so the Great Teacher Onizuka journeyed forth to the Holy Forest to impart to the children there the wisdom that had been handed him by the Great Force and... oh, shit... he forgot the wisdom. "Hey, I forgot the wisdom. It's on the refrigerator. I remember leaving it there. Can I come back up to get it?", quoth the Great Teacher Onizuka. "Just wing it, okay?", came the answer from on high.

Verse 6

The Great Teacher Onizuka was blessed with the most fallen of the Holy Forest flock. It was Class Four he was charged with shepherding, and they were not good. They poisoned him, and cheated him, and tricked him, and brought down upon him the most vile of plagues. The Great Teacher Onizuka remained at peace with them. They screamed and yelled and hurled themselves into the jaws of death. The Great Teacher Onizuka saved them. They set upon one another, teasing and biting and scratching and fighting. The Great Teacher Onizuka pacified them. And all was good. And it was then determined by all of Class Four that the Great Teacher Onizuka was too dumb a man to care about self-preservation. And for that, he was loved.

Verse 7

The Great Teacher Onizuka faced the elders of the Holy Forest, the principals and fellow teachers, and they at first feared the parasite in their midst. But the Great Teacher Onizuka and his mightily dim wit charmed them as well.

Verse 8

And then the inner sanctum of the Holy Forest, a circle of elders neither charmed by loveable oafishness nor swayed by compassionate argument, placed a mark upon the Great Teacher Onizuka. And that was NOT good... I mean it, if Onizuka doesn't think of something quick, the board of directors is gonna drum him right out of the school... quoth the unseen presence known as the Great Editor.